Pearl: There’s a dog across the street! GO AWAY BLACK DOG!
Me: Pearl hush.
Pearl: DAWG! BLACK! ACROSS THE STREET! DO SOMETHING!
Me: Pearl, he’s not even in our yard. Calm down.
Pearl: He’s PEEING! Oh my dawg! He’s peeing across the street and you’re just sitting there like you don’t have a care in the world. WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU?
Me: Pearl, quit yelling at me. He’s not hurting anything.
Pearl: How can you say that? He has left pee mail everywhere. Quick! Get me some water! I gotta make more pee.
Me: You’re joking right?
Pearl: Does this look like my happy face? I’ve got lots of work to do now. The pee mail is all wrong.
*10 minutes later*
Pearl: So you see Officer, I obviously had no choice. My legs are only 4 inches long so it’s hard to pee that high. She could have easily helped with the pee mail but would she? NO! Besides, just look at my precious little paws. Do these look like the kind of paws that could have tied her shoe laces together and watched her drop like a rock? I THINK NOT! (You should paw print Jasper though. He has beady eyes.)