Monthly Archives: March 2014

Wisdom from Pearl

IMG_1043 Mornin’ Y’all! Pearl woke me up at 6:30 this morning with slobbery kisses. She had determined that I had slept too long. She’s pretty sure she knows what’s best for me.
 IMG_1231Yesterday I took the chi’s for a long walk down main street. As usual we bumped into complete strangers that Pearl insisted should scratch behind her ears as in accordance with the prophecy. So, I got to thinking. (I know, it’s a dangerous path for me to take.) Anyway, how does this silly little dog manage to be adored by complete strangers? What is it about her that makes the neighbor’s kid jump the fence to come pet her?

I think it’s because she knows when to keep her mouth shut. (A trait I have yet to master.) Sure she whines when she’s hungry or needs to potty but she never makes small talk. I see her thinking sometimes. She’ll just stare into space and I would love to know what is going through her little brain but she never shares. She keeps her private thoughts to herself. You can never disagree with her views as she will not tell you what they are.

Life would probably be better if I were more like Pearl. Just keep my trap shut and greet everyone like they were the best thing I’ve seen all day.  It only takes a wag of her tail to make people smile.

Yesterday an old man pulled to a screeching halt in the middle of the road. He rolled down his window and yelled “How much will you take for one of them?” I responded “About 3 million dollars”. He laughed and drove away.

I wish I had her gift of making people happy.

Who’s that fat lady in the mirror?

I stepped on the scales this morning after a long hiatus from them and I was pretty sure it was broken. So, I stepped off then stepped back on again. It still gave me the same number. Hmmm……I then made my husband get on the scales to prove they were broken. He says they work fine. A$$hole.

For supper I had cabbage and a 3 mile walk at 4.5 mph. Tomorrow I’m going to binge on a head of lettuce.

I KNOW HE DIDN’T!

Pete n Joe

  1. Thaw out his carpenter’s glue in my microwave.
  2. Fill the trunk of my car with coal for forging.
  3. Throw a dead otter in the back seat of my car because the hide looked nice.
  4. Take a contract for 64 historic windows because “his wife can do the glazing while he makes the frames.”
  5. Fart in front of my Mother on purpose with leg hiked in air.
  6. Park in the handicapped space cause “handicapped folks aint got no business being at the liquor store.”
  7. Volunteer me to pick up a convict being released from a long stint in prison.
  8. Take me on a week-long camping trip with friends and not bother to mention that there won’t be any “facilities”.
  9. Watch one of our chairs roll down the interstate while en-route to one of these week-long camping trips and announce “Hmmm….You know that was YOUR chair right?”
  10. Yell at me from the bed as I’m getting ready for work because his coffee cup is empty and he can’t wait much longer for his second cup.

If your marriage is easy then you’re obviously doing it wrong.