It’s amazing that I don’t kill him in his sleep.

The BearThings Pete said:

  1. You’re getting old. You’re just like a crow, attracted to all things shiny.
  2. Some good looking woman is going to bring me coffee in bed. Do you want to be her?
  3. You need to put cokes in the refrigerator. (The cokes that HE drinks.)
  4. Of course you like those shoes, they’re shiny. (See crow reference above.)
  5. How do you know when your hair is “fixed”? It looked like that when you got out of bed.
  6. Dr. Oz is an idiot. Of course you should wear stripper shoes. Who cares about your back?
  7. YOU FORGOT TO SAY GOODBYE! (Standing butt naked on the porch and waving to me as I sit in my car.)
  8. Jerry Springer is an educational program.
  9. Where is lunch? I usually eat lunch at this time. (After arriving home from a two hour journey.)
  10. I checked my calendar and I spent the equivalent of THREE MONTHS at home in 2013. I had no idea I was here so often.
  11. I want my casket stood up at the funeral home so no one can look up my nose.
  12. It’s time to go to bed. (Turns off all the lights and locks the doors as I sit at the computer.)
  13. What’s this rabbit food? I can’t eat all this fiber! I don’t care if fried food kills me. I want my pallbearers to wear fried chicken legs on their lapels.
  14. I can’t help it. (After I asked him to stop staring at the half naked gal in front of us.)

I should probably just write a book.

21 thoughts on “It’s amazing that I don’t kill him in his sleep.

  1. suzjones

    Oh my goodness, I am laughing hysterically.
    Real life is so much stranger than fiction. Do you know yesterday, I went shopping with a list that also had written on it “Barmaid (French)”?
    I mean seriously????

      1. suzjones

        We didn’t get her at all 😉
        Unfortunately Coles don’t stock barmaids at all and the french ones are very rare. Actually I’m going to link back to this post and post the actual shopping list on my blog for everyone to see 😉

  2. Pingback: If you want a good laugh, read my blogging buddy’s post. Hilarious! | My Amusing Dispositions

  3. Pingback: I KNOW HE DIDN’T! | mostlytrueramblings

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