Does anybody know what’s healthy anymore?

I took some vitamins this morning. I feel absolutely wicked. Tomorrow I’m going to eat the egg yolks. Next I’m going to buy chickens that were raised in a coop and the green onions in the ordinary bag. I threw out my acai berry juice and I tossed the coffee bean extract too. I’m a rebel without a clue because the doctors and scientists have me confused.

I gave up Doctor Oz after having read two of his books and following countless advice. Let’s get real here. I’m not going to drink pureed kale for breakfast. That is only a treat for cows. Sure I want to lose weight and feel great. I also want to eat human food and only workout for 30 minutes a day. Is this too much to ask?

Ok, so I’m not going to look like this anytime soon.


This me lived on 1,200 calories and worked out for 3 hours every day. On Sundays she rode her bicycle 5 miles to the gym, worked out for an hour and then rode the 5 miles back. No, I’m not going to work that damn hard at this anymore.

I’m not going to buy magic pills or supplements. No liposuction either. I refuse to count points or order pre-packaged meals. My plan is to pass on the pizza, eat more veggies and move my boody every evening after supper. If all goes well I’ll squeeze in a one hour workout each evening until the pounds slowly drop.

So Dear Mr. Scientist, take your new found discoveries and shove it where the sun don’t shine. I’m going to take my multi-vitamins and eat nutritional foods. I’m going to exercise for a reasonable amount of time and just ignore your ever changing advice.