Me: Pearl, what are you doing?
Pearl: Emailing a warning letter to Santa
Pearl: Because last year he snuck in here and stole my cookies that I left on the coffee table. I think he stole some chicken too.
Me: Um…Pearl, I don’t think you get how this Santa thing works.
Pearl: Oh yes I do and I’m not putting up with it anymore! Steal my cookies and chicken! I’m gonna kick some Santa hiney! Jasper! Man the fireplace!
**jumps down from chair** **drags sack of pecans to door**
Me: What are your going to do with those pecans?
Pearl: I’ll scatter them in front of the door in case the sneaky cookie thief tries to get in this way. %#^%**%# Reindeer poop in my yard! I’ll teach him a lesson!
Me: But Pearl, Christmas is about giving and being kind to others.
Pearl: Well, I’m glad you finally see the light. You can help me annihilate this thief. Now go outside and get me some pinecones.
Me: But Pearl!
Pearl: Hurry! We only have twelve days to prepare!