I have been haunted by Aewl’s Abode. The question asked was “If you could pick one day to relive, what day would you pick and why? Would it be to change things? Would it be to just enjoy a magical moment?” Aewl relived a happy time in his life. I can’t seem to do that. I constantly pound myself for everything I ever did wrong. I think about the things I could or should have done to make things better. My husband teases me but he’s not far off. The other day he described my ridiculousness this way (In mimic mode of course.) “Oh my God! There are people starving in India and it is all my fault!”
Ok, so sometimes I’m a little dramatic. The thing is, I have so many things in my past that I would like to re-live and do differently because of a character flaw of mine. I have a tendency to let things fester. I may tell my husband or even my mother about the things that are bothering me but I like to wait to actually inform the person causing this angst. My method is to let things build up until I can explode in a proper bipolar rage filled fit which then causes my essential tremors to go into overdrive. Now I am crazy eyed, shaking like a dog shitting a peach seed and spewing forth all the things I should have said in the beginning. Good plan eh? I’ve been trying to stop doing this but I don’t always succeed.
So, if I could go back in time I would not change just one moment. I would change a behavior of mine that effects many moments. I would just say what’s on my mind.