What If challenge

bridgeI have been haunted by Aewl’s Abode. The question asked was “If you could pick one day to relive, what day would you pick and why? Would it be to change things? Would it be to just enjoy a magical moment?”  Aewl relived a happy time in his life. I can’t seem to do that. I constantly pound myself for everything I ever did wrong. I think about the things I could or should have done to make things better. My husband teases me but he’s not far off. The other day he described my ridiculousness this way (In mimic mode of course.) “Oh my God! There are people starving in India and it is all my fault!”

Ok, so sometimes I’m a little dramatic. The thing is, I have so many things in my past that I would like to re-live and do differently because of a character flaw of mine. I have a tendency to let things fester. I may tell my husband or even my mother about the things that are bothering me but I like to wait to actually inform the person causing this angst. My method is to let things build up until I can explode in a proper bipolar rage filled fit which then causes my essential tremors to go into overdrive. Now I am crazy eyed, shaking like a dog shitting a peach seed and spewing forth all the things I should have said in the beginning.  Good plan eh? I’ve been trying to stop doing this but I don’t always succeed.

So, if I could go back in time I would not change just one moment. I would change a behavior of mine that effects many moments. I would just say what’s on my mind.

15 thoughts on “What If challenge

  1. Aewl

    You are not alone. Many times I’ve wished I had said something at the time, but in my feeble-mindless I don’t comes with the perfect snappy reply until well after the moment.

    Reply
  2. mewhoami

    To change a behavior could definitely make a difference in many situations. I think I would do both. There are days that I would love to relive, some to change and some just to experience again. There is a behavior I would change to. That is to be easier on myself and to allow myself to enjoy things completely without concern for how I may be perceived by others.

    Reply
  3. Gloria241

    Well, I don’t hold back much! I think you know that about me. If I hold my anger in then Lord only knows how bad it will be when I do get to that point that I explode. If someone upsets me I might hold it in for maybe an hour and by then steam is coming out of my ears. I have found out through years and years of experience if something upsets me and I talk to the person about it then I am done with it. The problem is now theirs not mine. If it is a misunderstanding then I am corrected and I will apologize but if not then it is all on them and they can fix it or I can pretend they do not exist in my world.

    There are a couple of things I have done that I wish I could have a do over but then again how would my life be now if I did have a do over. Would it be the same or better or worse. Those things I would like a do over on are now guilt that I have to live with. Even though I feel guilt and wonder about a do over I still think I would make the same decision just maybe sooner rather than later.

    Reply
  4. Diana

    I feel the same as you. I can hold a grudge, and have blown up at friends over a series of small events that should have been addressed in the first place (then each thing just builds on the next, some of them that wouldn’t have bothered me if I wasn’t already annoyed). I’ll go a long time missing out on good life events because I am too stubborn to apologize or talk it out with said friend. It hurts me that this has happened, and I try to make an effort to talk it out in the beginning stages when the issue is smaller now. However, it is hard to do sometimes.

    Reply
  5. Pingback: What If – A Day Relived | Me – Who am I?

  6. Pingback: What If? Roundup and Challenge | Aewl's Abode

  7. DailyMusings

    “Changing a behavior that has affected many moments”…. it is so hard to change how we may be “wired”, the behavior we have perhaps learned- to be conscious of it is always the first step moving forward towards changing it I always say. I too allow things to fester, ruminate over them, then it is either an explosion- or silence. I just cut them out of my life. Still working on it too. Thanks for a thought provoking post

    Reply
  8. Pingback: What If Challenge | A Day In The Life

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