Monthly Archives: December 2013

Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It

Good morning world! Yes, it’s my day off and I woke up early bouncing around like Tigger on meth. Technically everyday is my day off now. What to do, what to do…My Mother says I should start on my “to do” list that everyone keeps. Holy Macaroni! I don’t have a to do list! Crap! I got to get me one of those. The problem is I’m a doer. I rarely put things on lists. I just start doing them the moment I think of them no matter how inappropriate the timing may be.

Patience is a virtue I will never possess. That’s probably why I get confused so easily. Momma was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I looked over and saw my pretty little candle. That’s how it all started. I must light the pretty little candle. I went to the kitchen to get a lighter when I saw dishes in the sink. Must wash dishes. Then wet dish towel needed to be taken to laundry. Oh dear. Must start a load of laundry. Folded clothing on dryer. Must put up clothing. Dust on dresser when putting up clothing. Must dust furniture.

Thirty minutes later I sat down beside Momma on the sofa and looked to my left. Damned candle still not lit.

Define “Stupid”

Meet Mr. Coon. Ok, so he's dead and not really a good representation of the New Year and New Beginnings but isn't he stinking cute?

Meet Mr. Coon. Ok, so he’s dead and not really a good representation of the New Year and New Beginnings but isn’t he stinking cute?

Oh hello new year. I’m looking forward to kicking your a$$. I’m running straight into you as an overweight, unemployed and slightly deranged 40 something. How could this go wrong? I thought about making a list of resolutions but I narrowed it down to one.

  1. Stop doing stupid shit.

Whew, this is going to be hard. I am quite good at making poor decisions. In my defense though they always seemed like good decisions at the time. Ok FINE! I knew it was stupid but barreled forward anyway. I once asked an elderly lady “When do you stop doing stupid things?” She replied “I don’t know, go ask someone older than me.”

I may need a new definition of “stupid”. If no one is physically harmed and laughter ensues is it really stupid? I think not. I think I should probably do more in the New Year. You know like:

  1. Skip more
  2. Sing more
  3. Laugh more
  4. Make faces behind people’s backs more
  5. Ask complete strangers about their digestive health more

You know, I found two stores in Little Rock that sell more. Did you know that you can purchase more? Seriously, you can. There is the “Flooring and More” store AND the “Appliances and More” store. I think I’ll just go in and ask to see the more. With competition I should be able to get a good price.

I am going to utilize more “more” in the New Year. Aren’t you excited? I’m going to DO more and HAVE more while I stop doing stupid shit. That’s my brilliant plan in a nutshell.

Hi, my name is Deanna and I’m addicted to reading.

booksYesterday I went to Barnes & Noble and Books a Million. I am not ashamed. I love books. The overwhelming feeling of knowledge at your fingertips is exhilarating when you walk in the door. There is probably an answer to every problem I ever had within those shelves. Books are my crack. I can not resist. If only I could find a way to exercise while reading then my butt might stop spreading. Wait! I’ll bet there’s a book for that! I’ll check Amazon.

Stabbing Debby Downer

No CryingI don’t like writing sad posts. I delete most of them without ever posting. I was reading a post by Abby and it reminded me that I hate sympathy. I can’t stand the thought of someone feeling sorry for me. It means failure to me. It means that I was weak and had a pity party. Oh sure, everyone needs a pity party every now and then. I just like to party alone. I don’t like talking about my issues. People look at you different when they know. There is sympathy in their eyes. They will act guarded in your presence. They may even change their actions or behavior so as not to “trigger” you.

I’m a big girl. I have on my big girl panties and I can overcome anything.

So, you found me…

DSCF0565Dear Potential Employer:

If you have managed to find my blog I think you should know that I will be a wonderful asset to your company. Please ignore the conversations with my dog and any references to my mental state. I assure you that Mr. Shrink has this all under control.  Though it is true that I sometimes like to wear my cape while conquering the world it is a mighty fine cape of the utmost quality.

InternetYes, I set a goal in 2014 to poop rainbows and fart glitter. Can you imagine how awesome your office is going to look now? My mere presence is going to boost your sales. I am going to need space for my security detail. They are excellent at deterring would be burglars or rogue squirrels. They also know how to disarm angry customers by tossing their feet into the air and requesting belly rubs. No one can resist that.

I truly am an Administrative Assistant/Secretary/Payroll Clerk/Office Manager Extraordinaire!  My bubbly aura is quite contagious. I once received “Employee of the Month” for 12 months straight. Ok, so there were only two of us left in the office and I was the only one allowed to vote BUT I did receive a trophy and everything.

So, just ignore any reservations you may have about my sanity and jump on my unicorn. I’ll organize your files and whip into shape your entire office with a mere sweep of my wand.

Sincerely,

The best employee you’ll ever have

I’m so wonderful they’ll be begging me to work for them.

December 30, 2013 is my last day of employment. We are going to officially shut down the company on that day. Being unemployed probably isn’t the ideal way to start out the new year but change can be good. It’s been 20 years since I’ve drawn unemployment. Things may have changed a bit. I’ve grown quite fond of eating so unemployment just isn’t going to work for me. I often wonder how job hoppers do it. The stress of not knowing the future is debilitating to me.

So, I have some pretty big goals for 2014. It’s OK though. I’ll just throw on my cape and ride my unicorn into town to conquer all. I’ll be pooping rainbows and farting glitter so I’m pretty sure potential employers will notice me.  Who wouldn’t want to hire someone this awesome?

You can’t say that anymore.

speak-md (2)I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it. – Voltaire

Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion – These are key elements in the American way. This country was founded by people who wanted the right to worship their God and follow their beliefs. “Political Correctness” is taking this right away. What is happening here? Do we have to re-define our rights? It appears that the government knows what our rights are but the people do not.

I suppose we need to amend our rights:

You have the freedom to say anything as long as it isn’t different than someone else’s views on homosexuality, religion, race, abortion, feminism,  or any other key issues.

No, I’ve never seen Duck Dynasty. I don’t care what Phil’s religion tells him. I do however wish Phil the right to speak the truth about his beliefs when asked without fear of losing his job. Isn’t it illegal to fire someone for their religious beliefs?

I have no direction. Just wandering about aimlessly.

100_0442The sun was pretty coming up over the barn this morning. Today I am painting the walls in one of the rental houses behind the barn/office. I’ve pretty much ran out of things to do. I don’t mind painting though. Physical labor is nice every now and then. It gets old sitting behind a desk every day.  The ceiling in this house is vaulted so I’m running up and down a ten foot ladder. It’s good to be doing something constructive.

This Friday our last open contract should be completed. Then what?

I have no idea.

Change is a comin’.