Epitaphs for the slightly deranged

14After writing my own eulogy yesterday it was brought to my attention that I still need an epitaph. As a peruser of cemeteries I think it would be great to have a formal looking tombstone with something ridiculous inscribed so that the viewer can’t help but snort.  Cemeteries are just way too somber. I can just see someone a hundred years from now trying to wipe off my stone to read what it says. I know what I’m putting on my husbands. Well, there are two things.

  1. You may not have liked him but you remember him.
  2. Don’t you monkey with my widder (widow) when I’m gone.

I’ve been considering many different epitaphs for my headstone but I have narrowed the choice down to the following :

“Here lies the bones of a life well spent. She did it all, so away she went.”

“Skip around the graveyard or I’ll haunt you. I mean it. Don’t mess with me.”

“I’m standing behind you.”

“Séance tonight at 10:00pm. Call me. ;)”

“Under your feet lies lifeless bones. You are too late, I’m afraid I’ve gone.”

“Thanks for coming. I’d serve refreshments but, you know, I’m dead.”

“Daises are my favorite in case you just wanted to bring me something.”

What do you want on your headstone? You better figure it out. Otherwise you’ll have family members like me making that decision. I’m currently trying to figure out how to make a casket spray with jars of peanut butter for my Aunt Vivian when she kicks the bucket. She is so going to haunt me. Anybody got an ice truck? We definitely need an ice truck following the hearse.

3 thoughts on “Epitaphs for the slightly deranged

  1. Pingback: SOCIALISM, NOT ACCESS TO CARE, IS OBAMA’S PRIZE | Home Grown News Media

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