Last night I painted the barn for the Mr., threw on some strappy shoes and headed to town for his birthday. He chose to take me to one of my favorite eating holes even though it was his birthday. (I think he secretly likes my food choices but doesn’t want me to know.) Anyway, I decided to branch out and try something new from the menu. The dish I chose contained kalamata olives which I detest so I asked the young man to please hold the olives. Well, you know what happened next. I sent back my plate to be remade as I watched the Mr. enjoy his meal.
During the impasse I decided to look around for blogging opportunities. I’m thinking that Along Lifes Road had it right and I should just carry around a journal to jot down ideas when I’m people watching. There are some strange folks out there. Would it be totally weird if I took pictures of them too? Some of these people have to be seen to be believed. I felt like I was sitting in a room full of Dickens characters. Maybe this says something about my choices in eating establishments.
By now my mind was racing with ideas and philosophies. Some of them are scary. What if I’m just a magnet for fruitcakes? What if I am a fruitcake? I’ll ask my Shrink during my next appointment.
Here are three little lessons I learned last night. I learned many more but this is a blog and not a book so this is all you’re getting.
1. When giving your order to a teenager speak slowly. Very slowly. Otherwise “no olives please” translates into “no olive oil”.
2. When your belly sticks out past your boobs you should not wear shirts three sizes too small. It creates a butt below your boobs. Seriously, it had a crack and everything. I really should have taken a picture. Somehow the painted on jeans pushed the muffin top into a blob above her zipper.
3. If you are a large man with a harry butt please do not bend over in any eating establishment. The results can be catastrophic. Nobody looks good in plumber’s butt. NOBODY!
On the other hand, if you are trying to lose weight I totally recommend checking out the locals. Some of them are a great appetite suppressant. Hmm……maybe I should eat out more often. I might get a little less jiggle in my wiggle…….