I have confessions to make. I hope you don’t hate me for this but I feel like it must be said. Here goes:
I DON’T LIKE MAGIC TRICKS!
I know, you’re shocked but it’s true. I just can’t tolerate them. How dare someone stand in front of me and deliberately try to fool me. It’s all lies! That quarter was never in my ear! How could you blatantly lie and laugh at me when I’m confused? It is cruel. It is dishonest. You are mocking me and insulting my intelligence. Go away Mr. Magician. I do not trust you.
I do not wish to be fooled or surprised. That is the second part of my confession.
I HATE SURPRISES!
I know hate is a strong word. But it is true. I do not like surprises. I need to know the facts. Surprises take away my control. They take away my choices. Do not take my choices from me. You may think you are giving me a wonderful gift. I see an item I would have rather picked out myself. Do not surprise me. I will not like it.
My disdain for surprises is probably part of why I don’t like magic. I need logic. I like logic. Pulling a rabbit from a hat is not logical. It is really quite silly. Why would a rabbit want to be in a hat anyway? Let’s not forget the fact that rabbits are little poop machines. They will poop right on their own food. Why would you put one in your hat? Where is the logic in that? I NEED LOGIC!
Something I dislike even more than tricks is escape artists. Why would you put yourself in a tub of water with your hands tied? What makes you wake up one morning and say “Hey! I think I’ll try to kill myself today in front of an audience.” Seriously, I am questioning your mental stability. I do not trust you either.