Me: Pearl, why do you smell funny?
Pearl: I don’t smell funny.
Me: Ok then, why do you stink?
Pearl: I most certainly do not stink!
Me: You smell like something that died last week.
Pearl: Oh that. I found that in the back yard. It was kind of crusty so it was hard to get the scent off of it.
Me: You know I’m going to give you a bath now right?
Pearl: Why?? Do you know what I went through to get this Ode to Earth? I had to fall down on the ground and scrape my face across this crusty thing 17 times before it provided adequate scenting.
Me: Of course, and to think I just spritz perfume from a bottle.
Pearl: Spritz? Really? Can we go to Wal-Mart and see if they have any three day old possum scent?
Me: Um…I don’t think they have that kind of smell in a bottle. How about something that smells like lavender?
Pearl: You are so gross. I can’t believe you want me to smell like a plant.
Me: You’re probably right. Dead possum is a much better scent.
Pearl: Thank you.