An open letter – Wal-Mart

Dear Wal-Mart:

It has come to my attention that you may need to elaborate on the “No shoes, No shirt, No service” policy. It seems there are many in the state of Arkansas that are unsure of what constitutes a shoe or a shirt. It would also be good if you added a “No Pants” to the policy. I know you believe it to be assumed that you should not go out in public without pants but not everyone understands this simple concept. Maybe your Door Greeter could suggest to certain customers that their pajamas should not be worn in public. A flyer should probably be made for certain people to explain the matter further. It might go something like this.

  1. Just because I can’t see your nipples does not mean it is a shirt.
  2. If it is designed for sleeping it is not designed for public use.
  3. We are really glad that you purchased your underwear here but we do not need to see them.
  4. Halloween costumes are generally worn in the month of October.
  5. If your butt crack is showing then those are not pants.
  6. House shoes are so called because they are meant to be worn in the house.
  7. Though we realize that you do not wish to shower on Saturdays we do request that you spritz with something before wilting our lettuce.
  8. We hope that your children are enjoying summer but they should change clothing more than once a week.
  9. Your teenager may be looking to start a family but please ask her to refrain from scent marking in the sporting goods section.
  10. Some clothing is gender specific for a very good reason.

Please feel free to elaborate and/or revise this list to cover all of the bases. This is merely a suggestion.

I would also suggest that you install a Prozac mister at the entrance for the protection of the fully dressed and well balanced patrons.

Customer #125874478962523211254487556

8 thoughts on “An open letter – Wal-Mart

  1. dogsarentkids

    Oh, Walmart. You really are the best place to go when I don’t feel like showering, using deodorant, doing my hair, wearing anything but fuzzy animal slippers and when pants seem like such a pain to put on. Thanks for making it possible.

  2. michelisgirl04

    I have to laugh because I agree with you on so many levels but I am sorry to say I have gone in my Pj pants and a tshirt many times when it has been wicked cold out and the dang Pj pants are warmer then jeans lol but ugh there have been days that I will totally admit to looking like a slob and going into walmart its the other side of my fence and when dealing with sick kids or a sick husband and I am frazzled beyond belief yup I have done it 🙂 …. But I am also guilty of sitting on the back porch and watching the ones that dress in the umm not sure what to call them outfits and laughing my rear off going how the heck can someone not realize what they are wearing????? but thank you for that 🙂


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