Pearl: I got to potty.
Me: We just went out an hour ago. There is no way you have to go again already.
Pearl: No really, I got to potty bad.
Me: I’m not falling for that again. Yesterday you drove me crazy wanting to potty and when we got outside you didn’t even have to go.
Pearl: I’m not kidding. I really got to go. **crosses back legs while dancing around**
Me: NO! I don’t believe you.
Pearl:**stomps front paws** **whispers in Jasper’s ear**
Jasper: **scratches on door**
Me: Pearl, did you tell Jasper to lie for you?
Pearl: Me? How dare you accuse me of such a thing. You know he has cooties.
Me: FINE! We will go outside but you better potty fast because I have work to do. **Puts leashes on dogs and goes outside**
Me: Pearl, go potty now.
Me: PEARL! Go potty now!
Me: I know you did not lie to me AGAIN!
Pearl: **Lays down in grass**
Me: Pearl! I am not going to stand here while you catch some rays!
Pearl: You sure are cranky today. Did you take your medicine? **stretches out in grass**
Me: Pearl! Really, I have work to do. You had better make a potty!
Pearl: What? You just expect me to potty anywhere and on command? Do I follow you to the bathroom and command you to poop? I can’t potty when you’re yelling at me!
Me: OK, fine. Pearl, would you please make a potty now so I can get back to work.
Pearl: **scratches ear** I’m still looking for the perfect potty spot. I am a Chihuahua and of higher intellect than you. I can’t put my poop just anywhere! If you were as smart as me you would know that poop placement is very important!
Me: **Grits teeth** Pearl, wouldn’t it be easier to find the perfect poop placement if you weren’t lying down?
Pearl: I’m not just lying down. You’re showing your human ignorance again. I am warming my belly in the sun so the poop will flow freely. These things can’t be rushed.
Me: ***cries into hands*** Of course not. I don’t know what I was thinking. Please, take your time. I have nothing better to do than to stand here holding your leash while you sun your poop.