Hi, my name is Pearl and I am an avid floor licker. I lick floors for entertainment purposes. Sometimes I lick the rug too. I get fuzz stuck in the back of my throat then I cough and hack endlessly trying to dislodge said fuzz. I don’t care if this is irritating. Sometimes I find little things on the floor like tiny rocks and I roll them around on my tongue while bouncing my head up and down. I look like I am having a seizure but no, I am just playing with a rock. When I find something that tastes nasty I stick out my tongue and make funny faces. Then I lick it again to make sure that it was indeed nasty. Yes, it definitely was.
I have developed a very delicate palate in my floor licking practice. I am offended by most dog foods and will starve before lowering myself to eat such a thing. I also do not like processed meats. Again, my palate is very delicate so do not bother to try to entice me with a hot dog. No one knows what’s actually in those things.
I must go now. I think I see a spot that my human missed while mopping this morning. Never pass up an opportunity to refine your palate.