Pearl: I don’t wanna work today please. I am very tired and need my beauty sleep.
Me: All you ever do is sleep. You’re sleeping your whole life away.
Pearl: I am not! I provide very good security detail here. Have you ever been attacked by a rabid cat in this office? I think not!
Me: No, but I was never attacked before you came to work here either.
Pearl: Well, I guess you worked your poor guardian angels into overtime. You should be ashamed. If it weren’t for me this whole place would go to pot!
Me: I hear somebody down stairs. Are you going to do anything about it?
Pearl: Oh that noise? Think nothing of it. I’m not concerned at all about that noise.
Me: Isn’t that kind of your job? To alert me of intruders?
Pearl: When an intruder comes I will let you know. Did I not warn you of that evil bunny rabbit this morning when we were walking in? I know my job. Keep out of Chihuahua business. You don’t know what you are doing.
***Door opens slowly******someone walks in***
Me: Is that an intruder?
Pearl: **opens one eye****yawns*** No, I think I’ve licked that human before.
Me: Are you sure because I can’t see them from my desk? They could be carrying a gun and came here to rob us blind!
Pearl: **scratches ear** In case you haven’t noticed….WE DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY HERE!
Me: But what if it’s a serial killer? Are you going to bark if it’s a serial killer?
Pearl: **stretches** FINE! I will go see if he’s a serial killer but if he just wants to rub my belly you’re going to owe me some bark n’ bacon for my troubles.
Pearl:**moseys to door**sniffs strange man** Nope, smells like insulation. You got me up for a terrifying insulation installer. When will you ever learn to keep out of Chihuahua business?
Me: Sorry Pearl, I guess I overreacted.
Pearl: **makes two circles in bed****rolls eyes** Wake me up if an evil accountant comes to attack. He may want to use your adding machine against your will or maybe he’ll sharpen your pencils.