Mea Culpa


Wrinkles! My body is aging but my mind seems to be stuck in an ever learning place like childhood. I look in the mirror and the person I see sometimes surprises me. I don’t feel “middle aged”. Yet, I’m glad to be way past my 20’s. Those were some grandly ignorant times.

I suppose I should begin to become brilliant at any time now. I expect to wake up one morning and say Eureka! I think I shall eat right, exercise, be kind to others, work hard, stop to smell the roses, be thoughtful and live the perfect life. We all know the rules. Cause = effect. It’s been proven time and time again. Why is this soo hard to get?

Seriously, we make a million excuses but the truth is we just don’t want it bad enough. If you want something bad enough you will make it happen. I’ve done it before. I know how to get what I want. What stops me? What I want is not always easy. I like easy.

Four years ago I weighed 40 pounds less and was in the best shape of my life. I came in 3rd place in a half-marathon in my division and there were over 200 people in my division. I put in a minimum of six miles a day on the treadmill except for the weekends when I would ride my bike five miles to the gym, work out for two hours then ride the five miles back. I ate very carefully and would never have even considered eating a hamburger or a pizza. When you stop eating that stuff you stop craving it so it’s really not as hard as you would think.

So, what happened to me? Why did I decide easy was what I wanted? The end result is definitely not what I want. I’d like to say “the devil made me do it” but the truth is I chose this path all on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a happy person. There are just things that could be better if I simply put forth the effort.

2 thoughts on “Mea Culpa

  1. Gloria

    I think you hit the nail on the head. We want to take the easy path. As you know I too have gained back all the weight I lost. I was so proud of myself when I had accomplished my weight goal and then I blew it. Now I am having to start all over. If I had just stuck to my rules I had set for myself I would not be having to start over AGAIN but I took the easy way and ate all the stuff Rogar can eat and not gain and it immediately goes to my tummy. I still do not feel my age and at times I am surprised when I look in the mirror and see an older woman looking back at me. Where oh where is that person that I know I am inside. I have to say you left out the part about coming in 3rd place in the race even though you had ruined your big toe in the process. I have always been proud of you cause you are a fighter. You set your mind to something and you get it done. You inspire me to be a better me.


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