When I grow up I want to be a cape wearing Mother of twelve perfect children who go forth to bring peace and harmony throughout the world. Ok, so I’m forty-three and I’ve had a hysterectomy but if you believe in the promises set forth in the Bible then you know that anything can happen if you just have enough faith. (And its God’s will.) There’s your ever present “catch 22”. What we often think is best for us rarely ever is. I have been very successful at failing to figure out what is best for myself.
I did, however, become the Mother of two Chihuahuas and an obese cat. I am obsessive about my babies and won’t allow my husband to babysit them unless it is a life or death situation. He simply is not equipped with parenting skills. Yes, I am aware that I am referring to my animals as children. When you become a 43 year old barren woman you can judge me. Until then, Shush It! If you want I can show you a million pictures on my phone of the cute things they do. You know you want to see them.
There was a time that I tried to adopt through foster care. My experience was bad. Maybe I’ll share that some other time.
I have developed a method for removing unpleasant memories. It requires steel toed boots and a jack hammer. You simply stomp that shit down until it is an unrecognizable black mass of mutilated memories. You then add dirt on top and plant daisies. Now, lets go bake some cookies.
Yes, I am aware that I said “shit” in the last paragraph. This is an unlady like word and should not be used by proper ladies. Please do not say shit. You may say fiddle sticks, gosh darn, golly gee or cheese n crackers but do not say the word shit. The word shit actually means fecal matter which is a natural occurance so I’m really not sure what causes this to be an unacceptable term but tradition says it is an unseemly word. Do not say it. Unless of course you are wailing over a failed dream then you may say shit. Just not in church. Never say shit in church. God might smite you.