Monthly Archives: June 2013

Conversations with Pearl

Pearl3

Pearl: If you would stop shaving all the fur off your legs you could stop wearing pants.

Me: Humans have to wear pants Pearl. We cannot go out naked.

Pearl: I go out naked everyday AND I can pee whenever I want to. I don’t have to take off pants so I can pee.

Me: I can’t pee outside Pearl. The neighbors would see me.

Pearl: If you weren’t wearing pants they wouldn’t notice.

Me: I think they would notice that I was not wearing pants.

Pearl: Well, you can’t walk very far by yourself because you don’t leave a pee trail to find your way back.

Me: I have GPS Pearl.

Pearl: In a natural disaster your GPS is going to stop working but my pee will still be there. It’s not safe for you to go anywhere without me. You’ll get lost.

Me: Is this why you panic when I go to the grocery store?

Pearl: I’m surprised every time you make it back home. That’s why I get so excited.

Pearl: When we go for our walk today, could you not wear pants please?

Me: I HAVE to wear pants Pearl!

Pearl: Why do you always embarrass me? That Yorkie on the corner makes fun of me because my human shaves her fur and wears pants and never pees on the corners so we can find our way home.

Me: ***shakes my head***

Pearl: I left a dead worm by the patio if you want to go roll on it.

Me: That’s gross Pearl.

Pearl: How are we ever going to catch that grey cat if you go around smelling like a flower?? Helloooo**smacks paw on forehead**

Mea Culpa

Marathon

Wrinkles! My body is aging but my mind seems to be stuck in an ever learning place like childhood. I look in the mirror and the person I see sometimes surprises me. I don’t feel “middle aged”. Yet, I’m glad to be way past my 20’s. Those were some grandly ignorant times.

I suppose I should begin to become brilliant at any time now. I expect to wake up one morning and say Eureka! I think I shall eat right, exercise, be kind to others, work hard, stop to smell the roses, be thoughtful and live the perfect life. We all know the rules. Cause = effect. It’s been proven time and time again. Why is this soo hard to get?

Seriously, we make a million excuses but the truth is we just don’t want it bad enough. If you want something bad enough you will make it happen. I’ve done it before. I know how to get what I want. What stops me? What I want is not always easy. I like easy.

Four years ago I weighed 40 pounds less and was in the best shape of my life. I came in 3rd place in a half-marathon in my division and there were over 200 people in my division. I put in a minimum of six miles a day on the treadmill except for the weekends when I would ride my bike five miles to the gym, work out for two hours then ride the five miles back. I ate very carefully and would never have even considered eating a hamburger or a pizza. When you stop eating that stuff you stop craving it so it’s really not as hard as you would think.

So, what happened to me? Why did I decide easy was what I wanted? The end result is definitely not what I want. I’d like to say “the devil made me do it” but the truth is I chose this path all on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a happy person. There are just things that could be better if I simply put forth the effort.

Quick! Somebody call my Psychiatrist!

Me n Kenny

The squirrel is wearing the lipstick. That’s the secret code. Don’t ever forget it. We may need to use it in the future.

If I had a duck I’d name it Quackers and he would do some really funny duck stuff. These are the kind of thoughts that run through my head when I am idle. I should never be idle. Seriously, someone could get hurt. Some days my brain seems to cycle so fast there are constant images rambling through that seem to have nothing to do with each other. Just complete chaos. I’ll see cute animals, a grand palace, an apostle doing apostle things, a murder, a new way to work out, all while trying to remember if I put the clothes in the dryer. It’s just nonstop spinning. Maybe that’s why I rarely ever get bored. I can entertain myself just by closing my eyes.

Your scared now aren’t you? Your thinking, this girl is completely bonkers and I so want to be her friend. Well congratulations! Today and today only I am running a special on friendship. For three easy payments of $29.95 I will be your best friend and listen to all of your incessant whining. We will eat butter pecan ice cream and watch a chick flick. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required.

I sooo deserve a crown!

 

 

6-27-1998

This week marks our 15th wedding anniversary. Time has gone by fast but it has been so very full. Pete is the hardest working man I know and truly lives life. Sometimes he lives it on the edge but no one can ever accuse him of just existing. Ok, so he lives every day on the edge. He is a pusher of the proverbial envelope. I am a follower of rules. Please leave my envelope alone thank you.

When I first met Pete Fisk I did not care for him at all. He was egotistical, arrogant and believed himself to be quite the lady’s man. He flirted with every female he encountered regardless of age, race or religion. You could not accuse him of being prejudice. I think his wicked sense of humor and the fact that he isn’t scared of ANYTHING is what won me over. There is no job to big or no mountain so high that he will not run at it full speed ahead. He never even stops to consider that a thing couldn’t or shouldn’t be done.

Pete started referring to me as “Snoogie” from the beginning. It was so ridiculously goopy and he got a thrill out of explaining it to others when they raised a brow. You see, “Snoogie” if short for “Snoogie Woogie Bearies”. Oh yes, yes it is. He taught his co- workers to refer to me as Snoogie and the dang thing just stuck.

The first time I went to a Rendezvous (Historic Re-enactment) he introduced me to his friends as “The Current Reigning Mrs. Fisk as it is not a permanent position”. He loves shock value. Maybe a little too much.

When we first married he explained to me that I would be bringing him coffee in bed every morning for the rest of our lives. Actually what he said was “Some good looking woman is going to be bringing me coffee in bed every morning. Do you want to be her?” This includes the time we were camping and I had to bust the ice, build the fire and brew the life or death cup of Folgers in the early morning darkness while the coyotes howl.  He likes to get up early.

I can say the last 15 years of my life have never had a dull moment. He keeps me on my toes. We are so very opposite in many ways but apparently the old adage is true. Opposites attract. I think maybe we balance each other out. Or maybe I just keep him out of prison. Something like that….

Can you hear the voices of what’s left behind?

opulance

Photo by eksploracyjny.com. https://www.facebook.com/pages/eksploracyjnycom/481099848607120

I love this site. The decaying opulance reminds me how fleeting and temporary “things” are. I like to imagine the people that walked the corridors or danced in the ballrooms. The magic moments that must have occurred. Now they are a deteriorating sign of what was but is no more. Much like the lives of the people that walked there. Gone and possibly forgotten. Left behind by the next generation. These buildings are proof that life was once grand here. Memories were made but the things of this earth are short lived and easily ignored by it’s descendants.

How to build an airplane inside the house

airplane

So here’s the infamous airplane (still in a phase of construction).  I’ve been telling part of this story for years but here is a bit of proof. I wish I had a picture of it inside the house.  You see, my father decided to build an airplane. He did not have a garage or shop of any kind at the time but he did not see this as a problem. He simply built it inside the house. We lived in a big old house that at one time had been divided up into three separate apartments so it had three kitchens, three baths, etc. Bob Watkins decided this house was big enough to live in and build an airplane in at the same time. He took out a wall between one of the kitchens and a bedroom and set up shop. He started from scratch bending sheet metal and drilling holes with a small table top drill press. He took a used motor from an old Volks Wagon and spent every weekend figuring out how a poor man was going to own a plane.

You might think he got his love of flying in the army where they first taught him to jump out of airplanes and later to fly them. The truth is it started much earlier than that when as a child he tied his Momma’s sheet around his neck and jumped off the barn.

For years the UPS man delivered sheet metal, rivets, gauges and such a piece at a time until he finally was able to purchase the propeller.  He was like a kid in a candy shop. My Father didn’t smile or talk much so when he did I made a point of remembering it. The airplane was really taking shape by now. The wings were built but could not be attached as it was still inside the house. On the day the propeller arrived Daddy was so excited he got his brother Jerry to come over and they put it on. I remember standing there as they stared at it like little boys. Then they got ideas like little boys. They decided to “prop” it once just to hear it. It wouldn’t start up. No worry of that. Just hit the propeller and dream right? Daddy decided it would be best if I went to the rear of the plane and held down the tail. (I was about 13 and I don’t think I weighed a whole hundred pounds yet at this point.) So I bent over and held on tight to the rear of the plane while Daddy hit the propeller.

From my new vantage point on the ceiling I yelled out “I GOT IT DADDY!”  I could feel the ceiling on my head and my feet were dangling in the air. Momma’s curtains were everywhere and Uncle Jerry had a white curtain rod wrapped around his head. The new propeller was embedded in the floor and wooden splinters were cast about.

Momma was a tiny bit displeased. The windows you see in the picture were then removed and the airplane was relocated outside. He did finish the airplane and eventually moved it to a hangar at the local airport.

On July 21st 1984 while flying over the airport the engine cut out. The folks on the ground could hear it. He went into a nose dive but was able to pull it out at about 500 ft. That wasn’t soon enough.

Time

Squandered time – We’ve all done it. You look back at a week and try to pinpoint exactly what it is you accomplished. Did you make the world a better place? Did you physically build/make something tangible? Did you make the week matter or did you just survive it?

Life is what happens when you aren’t looking. Just toodling along, minding your own business. Fulfilling the needs of your family. Life is going to work, cooking supper, doing laundry, walking the dogs, buying groceries until one day you turn around and ten years have passed. What the heck? How did that happen?? I was right here! Who stole it from me?? This is why I am giving up living for the weekend. Life mostly happens on Monday through Thursdays. The days of the week everyone wishes away. I decided to start liking Mondays too. If you decide to only like Saturday and Sunday you have given away most of your life. Stop doing that please. Tuesday really misses you.

I hope I squander less in my next 43 years. Maybe even leave a legacy! Have some great aspirations! Ok, so there will never be a foundation named after me. But maybe, just maybe I’ll leave behind more than dusty bones in the ground.

Normal : according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle (According to Merriam-Webster)

Sanity is highly overrated. Or so I assume. I really don’t have any experience in this area but the folks that I presume to be sane are usually full of worry and doubt. This is what keeps them barreling forward in their busy lives. They should stop every now and then and skip in public. Seriously, who would not relax and giggle at a grown man/woman skipping in public? They could even sing. Maybe at Wal-Mart while your children are whining just bust out in a rousing round of ♪Somewhere Over the Rainbow ♪. You’d get the added bonus of embarrassing your children. I bet if you do this every time they whine in the store that crap will stop.

Who defines “Normal” anyway? Let’s say for instance that “Normal” is behaving in a responsible manner. Well, if you ate a whopper and large fries for lunch today then you were not responsible with your health. Tsk, tsk, tsk…. Is this sane to clog your arteries? I think not! You’re already teetering on the edge of la la land so shrug off the weight of keeping up appearances and sing in public! Put streamers on your bicycle! Eat Cap’n Crunch for breakfast!  

Did you speed on your way to work? Steal a pen from the office supply closet? Smoke a cigarette? Give up exercise? Well then my dear, you are behaving in an irresponsible manner. You are deviating from a rule or principle. You are a few bricks shy of a full load.

Facebook – I’m a rather poor poet….

Whine, whine, spit and sputter.

Facebook has become a place like no utter.

We post our woes and our poor dashed dreams,

Hoping for comfort but finding more screams.

Misery loves company so I’ll share in your devastation,

If only you’ll promise to share your elations.

Find some joy in this day to tell,

For your wearing me out with your dramas to quell.

Do not forget, I also need cheering,

Whilst in your own world, you sit there sneering.

Some post of Jesus and his hopes to spread,

If you don’t forward the news, soon you’ll be dead.

There’s pictures of money, lotto tickets and such,

If you don’t forward these you’ll never find luck.

You’ll find all the Birthdays on the right of the screen,

If you do not reply, they’ll think you are mean.

So do your duty with diligence I say,

And spread good cheer to all today.

 

School Mascots

Lonoke School District really should change their School Mascot. I’d like to know who, why and how the Jack Rabbits came about. Have you ever been walking through the forest and you came upon a jack rabbit and you were all “RUN FOR YOU LIVES! IT’S A WILD BUNNY!” No? Maybe not……

I came from a school of the Hornets. Yes, they are a tiny little creature but if you accidently walk into their personal space you will pee your pants trying to get away while making high pitched screams of fear.

I wonder why no one ever uses a spider as a mascot? It doesn’t have to be anything lethal like the brown recluse. It could be the simple garden spider. Those things are very intimidating with their yellow and black bodies though they don’t actually like to dine on the human flesh. Mosquitos are their thing. They also make this cool web with zzzz’s in it. Ever run into one of those while pulling weeds? You suddenly turn into Chuck Norris. I once had one crawl across my bare foot while out trimming my lavender with garden shears. Only, I forgot I was holding the garden shears when I saw the spider and stabbed myself in the foot to shoo it away. I scared the hooey out of that spider.

I think the perfect school mascot would be the platypus. Have you ever really looked at a platypus? It’s an animal made of leftover parts that seem to have no rhyme or reason. First of all, it’s a mammal that lays eggs. Then it is semi-aquatic. Can’t even decide where it is supposed to live. It is an egg laying, duck billed, otter footed mammal with a spur on its hind foot for delivering venom like a snake. I kid you not. You know God did an all-out gut jiggling laugh when he created this one. “THE FIGHTING PLATYPUS” makes perfect sense. We confuse our enemy with our humorous look then we spur them when their doubled over with laughter.