Pearl: If you would stop shaving all the fur off your legs you could stop wearing pants.
Me: Humans have to wear pants Pearl. We cannot go out naked.
Pearl: I go out naked everyday AND I can pee whenever I want to. I don’t have to take off pants so I can pee.
Me: I can’t pee outside Pearl. The neighbors would see me.
Pearl: If you weren’t wearing pants they wouldn’t notice.
Me: I think they would notice that I was not wearing pants.
Pearl: Well, you can’t walk very far by yourself because you don’t leave a pee trail to find your way back.
Me: I have GPS Pearl.
Pearl: In a natural disaster your GPS is going to stop working but my pee will still be there. It’s not safe for you to go anywhere without me. You’ll get lost.
Me: Is this why you panic when I go to the grocery store?
Pearl: I’m surprised every time you make it back home. That’s why I get so excited.
Pearl: When we go for our walk today, could you not wear pants please?
Me: I HAVE to wear pants Pearl!
Pearl: Why do you always embarrass me? That Yorkie on the corner makes fun of me because my human shaves her fur and wears pants and never pees on the corners so we can find our way home.
Me: ***shakes my head***
Pearl: I left a dead worm by the patio if you want to go roll on it.
Me: That’s gross Pearl.
Pearl: How are we ever going to catch that grey cat if you go around smelling like a flower?? Helloooo**smacks paw on forehead**